corporate instant messaging with two white girls

“How am I not keeping it together?
I don’t understand.
I’m perfectly calm.
And getting things done!”

she tapped her keyboard vigorously through the IM
program,
but all i could think about was hooking up
with her boss lady; the one with the husband
and kid pics plastered all over her office.

“JONATHAN!
I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
GIVE ME ALL THE INFORMATION
FOR THIS PARTICULAR ASSOCIATE
INCLUDING ALL OF THEIR CORRESPONDENCE.”

this one types in all CAPS to ensure i know
she means business, but i ignore her just
as easily as i ignore the other one; still thinking
about that boss lady…

they group IM me, apparently thinking this will
engage me (or annoy me) enough to respond
to their ridiculous requests, whatever they might be;
i am still not paying attention to them;
i’m still focused on that well-fit dress; those
five-inch stilettos, manicured nails,
flowing hair with the bangs,
skin that shines like a star and as smooth
as the space in between; not to mention
that ass – that ass doh!

i decide to finally IM them back with a conclusive
response and that special stalker emoji: “Shhhhhhhut it!
i think i’m finally in love!” ♥ ◊
um, so yeah, the IM system is monitored and i
was fired that Friday (they JUST had to let me finish out the week).
instant message to instant love to instant unemployment.

 

Published by

jonathandeanrichie

Currently living in Vietnam, teaching English, fixing the world's problems.

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