addiction

so I may be addicted
to attention
but there are other
things that
I’m addicted to…

there is something about
making
a
situation awkward
that enthralls me
and my callous way
of life.

addiction is overrated
and by that
I mean
that people
care too much
about other people.

Who the fuck are you?

Do you.
I’m gonna do me.
You’re gonna do me.
#lowlife
And then you’ve hit
below rock bottom…
beneath the rock…
gotta dig you up…
underneath the rock…

You rise, Lazarus style,
dirty, just the way
we like you.

So yeah,
I’m addicted to a lot
of stuff, which apparently
includes resurrection
and dirt
and sexual deviancy.

forgiveness

I can’t stand you!
Is what she utters as
she slams the door,
bags in hand
looking as beautiful as ever
so I can’t take her words
seriously
because her beauty captivates
me and allures me:

I can only focus on the positives.

Weren’t there negatives?

God damn, she’s gorgeous
and has the lips that could only
have been created by a deviant
deity.

I’m constantly seduced by her
without her even being present
or speaking to me
or thinking of me
or acknowledging me.

I’m fascinated.
I should spend some time in the mountains.
Find me a bear.
Like Leo
and hole up in a dead horse.

Maybe that’ll take my mind
off of her; but then again,
horse guts…

Thank goodness for
incognito web browsing.

lung

Damn!
The chimney smoke bellows
out
the slight crack at the bottom
of
the front door.

Camels?
Newports?
Marlboros?
Kools?
305s?

No, no, that’s not the odor
I recognize
because this distinct smell
elicits particular memories
which are memorialized
in vehicles, walls, carpets
and most importantly
my
mind,
or what’s left of it.

I’m still standing here
savoring the glorious
and delicious air-flavor.

An idea:
I was going to buy a bag
but
instead:
I put my nose to the crack
at the bottom of the door;
inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

I got what I needed
and
now my mind is right.

Restless

Restless
I’m kicking
tossing and turning
waiting to be
extracted
from the womb…
And directly placed
into the workforce
where
I’ll have
restless nights:
One after another
kicking
tossing and turning.

I’m alone
In this world
In this bed
In my head
except for
this phone
which provides
me solace
for the moment
until it doesn’t.
And I drift
Away
Away
Away
until you can’t
see me anymore,
but trust me:
I’m still kicking
tossing and turning
Restless
heart burning
for the feckless:
But adrift
Aloof
And faceless.

needles

needless to say
being stabbed by
needles is like being
needled by the bodybuilding
drunkard:
you have no choice but
to accept it.

so I search for Kanye’s
Pablo (Escobar or Picasso?);
no matter, it can’t be
located.
Surreal indeed.

Rihanna provides me
comfort from the pain
while I think about needling
her…putting the needle
on the vinyl…come on, people!

No, but seriously, I love her
and that’s because I
keep making the
same Ol’ Mistakes
for the same Ol’ ladies
but I can’t halt the brakes
for as I move forward,
I only continue to regress
into the pits of despair
with an extra dose
of self-loathing.

But I’m still here
dancing with the stilted
lady in a room full
of strangers…

O.D. me already
with that needle.

alive?

“Are you alive?”

That’s the most
frequent
text
I receive
from people.

It’s a loaded and strange
question
because
if I don’t reply,
perhaps I am
deceased.

However;
I could argue
on any given
day that I’m
not alive:
obsessed with the past
(I should’ve done this
or that … regrets);
focused on the future
(will I amount to anything,
am I wasting away?).
anything but the now,
and so, yes,
I could be dead,
as life passes
me
by
because I can’t
see what’s in front
of me.

Pay attention
to the most
inspiring statement
I may ever iterate:

Live for the now,
fuck the rest…
cuz you never
really know
what the future
holds because
of what you
did in the past.

Chronic, pain, Cocaine

Chronic, pain, cocaine:
my eyes roll back into my head.
Will I ever be read,
before I’m dead?

The hardwood floors
are too fucking slippery
and too messy
or it could be the mess
of life I’m leaving
behind me
in
my trail
of tears.

But I’ll ride someone’s coattails
all the way to the top
so I
can
have
my chronic and cocaine
to rid myself
of the emotional pain.